Have you ever wondered what God’s plan is for your marriage?
You found the one your going to be with the rest of your life. But your 10, 15, 20, 30 years into this thing and you are starting to think, there has to be more. This can’t be it, there has to be more.
Good news! There is more. I call it The Big Yes. Let’s talk about it.
Genesis starts off with this story of creation with Adam and Eve. God declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen 2). So there’s a union or alliance that is divinely ordained since the beginning.
And Revelation ends with Jesus finally coming for his bride, the Church, and taking her to be with him for eternity. Again, there’s a union or alliance that begins eternity.
So time begins with marriage and it ends with the ultimate marriage. Or we could say that time, as we know it, is bookended with marriage.
Marriage is at the heart of Papa God.
Yet for most of us, we settle into the mundane, ordinary and typical atmosphere of marriage. An atmosphere where there is no expectation for the extraordinary; an atmosphere where the miraculous is quenched by monotony; an atmosphere where passionate lovers become simply roommates.
Let me say that there is a better way.
It’s called The Big Yes. It’s that big goal that you have for your marriage. It’s that thing that rattles the foundation of your soul. It’s that thing that you and your spouse strive for, dream about, and commit everything towards.
It’s that dream that gets you out of bed in the morning and keeps you awake at night. Often times when you think about it, sends goose bumps up your arms. It’s that thing that you position your heart towards.
Every December, Elisha and I go out for breakfast and create a list of goals for the upcoming year. Goals for our finances and family. Spiritual goals. Relational goals. Marriage goals. This year we even have a goal for each of our kids, who we want them to become and what we want them to experience this year.
But all of those goals push us towards The Big Yes. What do you ultimately want to accomplish within your marriage?
Elisha and I have The Big Yes: We desire to help each other reach our best destiny. We desire to love each other in powerful ways that always ends up pushing us to study each other, absorb each other and change the course of history. We desire our marriage to be a display of Papa God’s signs and wonders. We desire to prophetically restore the heart of Jesus within everyone we encounter. We desire to have such an encounter of Papa God’s love in our marriage, that we can become that encounter for other marriages. We are passionate about our kids being raised, trained and equipped to recognize Holy Spirit and offer his healing to the world. We want to bring heaven to earth.
That’s The Big Yes in our lives. What is it in your life?
Obviously The Big Yes in your marriage is not to simply stay together forever, or to just not get divorced. Those are great commitments to make but that doesn’t set your soul to motion.
See, The Big Yes is not simply a goal.
It’s a vision. It’s a hope that can only be attained through the love, grace, power and provision of Holy Spirit.
It needs to be that big. A God-sized vision always ushers in God-sized faith. Yet we also could say that God-sized faith creates a God-sized vision.
The Big Yes is not an impossibility or a gamble, but a perception of reality where your faith is stretched. More often than not, The Big Yes will be fashioned through your experience with Papa God.
Remember the story of David and Goliath? The ruddy young lad, David, versus the monster death machine, Goliath. When David approached the battlefield and heard the taunts from Goliath, he immediately was reminded of his past experiences with God.
David said, “Your servant has struck down both lions and bears, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be like one of them” (1 Samuel 17.36). David’s experience with Papa God left him with an unquenchable vision for success.
Although Goliath stood nine feet tall with an enormous sword, he reminded David of a lion and a bear. David was reminded of victory and, through those experiences, they shaped his vision.
It’s almost like The Big Yes for David was viewed through God goggles. And it will be the same for you. As you think about The Big Yes for your marriage, you will be reminded of struggles you overcame, victories that were inevitable and impossibilities that became possible.
It is through those experiences that Papa God will release his vision into your hearts.
When you have The Big Yes in your marriage, then all the little yeses that you must make become significantly easier, because you must keep the hope of the vision and the integrity of your heart.
Let’s take an example of pornography.
If your goal in marriage is simply to stay together, then you can still look at pornography, hide it from your spouse, and stay together forever. Yet never achieve that divine unity, passion and power that Jesus intends every marriage to gain.
So when you are confronted with the choice to turn on late night HBO or look at your phone at 2am when your spouse is sleeping or watch questionable shows on Netflix, you decide to refuse it, because that choice doesn’t propel you towards The Big Yes.
When you choose, you refuse.
Although compromise is always at hand, love, grace and hope grabs your hand and drags you along in relentless pursuit.
Elisha was off with her friends on Friday night. I put the kids to bed and climbed into my nice warm bed. I popped open my tablet and started thinking what to do. Some friends told me I need to start watching the TV show Parks and Rec because its just as good as The Office.
I turned on Netflix and started watching the first episode, and then I was confronted with The Big Yes. And here are the questions that flooded my mind: How bad do you want to be a conduit for the signs and wonders of God? How much do you desire to prophetically restore people to the heart of Jesus? How much do you want to be connected to the voice of Holy Spirit? Life is too short.
I turned it off and started listening to my Bethel Church app. And fell asleep soaking in the presence of God. The end choice was to fall asleep to Parks and Rec or fall asleep with the presence of God.
Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with watching Parks and Rec. I wasn’t in sin or even disobedient. I could have binged watched it until Elisha returned home, without any punishment or guilt.
But The Big Yes outweighed the temporary. Every little yes you make propels you towards The Big Yes.
So when you choose The Big Yes, you refuse:
old girlfriends and boyfriends on Facebook.
spending money on stuff that makes you feel good.
watching TV while your spouse cleans the house.
going to the bar after work to drink away your time.
scrolling through your phone in bed at night looking at Instagram posts
while your spouse is two feet away doing the same thing.
jumping in your car and speeding off after a fight.
sitting in your Lazyboy while she takes care of the kids.
getting your fulfillment from other people instead of your spouse.
finding counterfeit intimacy with pornography.
dwelling on negativity.
having a thought about yourself that Papa God doesn’t have about you.
teasing your spouse and kids to make yourself feel better.
Every little yes you make propels you towards The Big Yes. Your life is too short; Your marriage is too great; Your calling is too glorious…
…to be involved with anything that ruins your soul.
If you believe it with your heart;
If you declare it with your voice;
Heaven begins to move on your behalf;
Heaven engages your faith.
Here are some questions to help you begin the process of getting ‘The Big Yes’:
1) What are you and your spouse passionate about? What breaks your heart in passion? What makes you weep as you think about it?
2) If you and your spouse could only do one thing the rest of your life, with and in the presence of Papa God, what would it be? If time and money were not an option, what would you do?
3) What have been the greatest victories in your life? And how have you seen God at work within those victories? And how have those victories shaped your faith?
4) What is your understanding of the nature of God? And how does that shape your view of reality?
5) When you think about your kids, what do you want them to become? Not professionally, but with their character. And how does your life point them in that direction?